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Nobody's ever gonna see this so, whatev
30.12.08
I get weak in a glance, isn't this what's called romance?
i read about a kind of prison called Panopticon.

"The architecture of Bentham's panopticon was created to allow a watchman to look at all his prisoners without the prisoners knowing whether or not they were being observed - making them feel as if they were constantly being watched by an omniscient being. In other words, everyone in the panopticon knew they could be watched at all times, so in the end, only minimal watching actually needed to happen. The panopticon would create a sense of paranoia so pervasive that its inhabitants became practically self-governing....
Someone is watching you. Or, someone is probably watching you. Or, you feel like someone's watching you. So you follow the rules whether someone's watching you or not.You start to think that whomever is watching you is larger than life. That the watcher knows stuff about you that you never told anyone....
So it's not that you either pick your nose because you want to pick it, or you don't pick your nose because it's germy. It's because you are having a mental conversation with all the forces that could be watching you and condemning you for your nose-picking (potential or actual) - even though rationally you know that no one can see you."
~The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks

panopticon.
what an apt word.
i do feel sometimes that someone is tracking my every move.
noting it down.
scrutinizing my attire.
noting it down.
no one's looking, but it sure feels like it.
so i straighten my back, suck in my stomach, walk like i feel confident.



took off my braces today.
teeth feel extremely wierd.
my smile now seems too wide, too naked.
meh.

18:24
0 letters in my letterbox!


25.12.08
When you can live forever, what do you live for?
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!


dinner last night was for once (in a long long time), a small family affair.
it was a really simple meal, but we still couldn't finish any of the dishes!
see? signs of a tiny family.
i wish my sisters would hurry come back.
but then again, they'd still be gone before christmas.
aye.


twilight yesterday with roxanne hypo zhuwei fenhong yinyee!
it actually wasn't that bad after all.
ok maybe cos i didn't read the books, so i'm ignorant on what was missed out.
but there were some really cool scenes!
like the baseball game.
AWESOME.
and the part where edward leaps from tall tree to tall tree and climbs up them at breakneck speed.
AWESOME.
and the part where james attacks and dies.
freaky actually.
and the scenes where alice's partner appears and you see his always-in-pain face.
HILARIOUS.
and just watching the movie actually makes me see how readers out there swoon over edward.
ok he's not THAT drop-dead gorgeous, but he seems perfect enough.
aye, fiction.


sleepover before that was AWESOME.
we watched tv and gossiped, like crazy.
no one gossips like females do.
seriously.

14:40
0 letters in my letterbox!


16.12.08
I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands.
i've come to entertain the thought of growing up and becoming a university admissions officer or something.
like those who read essays that hopeful applicants painstakingly write and agonize over (or maybe not).
it must be a rather amusing vocation.
i imagine them in a hidden room buried deep in the foundations of said university, sitting around a rounded long table (not unlike knights' of the round table)(except they're more like blackguards or something) with interrogation-worthy table lamps shining on stacks and stacks of essays waiting to be scrutinized and pored over closely with bloodshot evil eyes, eager to spot any mistake, even the teensiest tiny mistake.
then periodically they'll suddenly laugh out loud maniacally
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
which would be followed by a gleeful malicious sweeping up of said essay and an overzealous crumpling of the essay.
then they'll indulge in a little waste paper basketball and whoop like stupid frat boys high on coke.

or imagine them saying things like
"hahah hear what this says. I BELIEVE _____ WOULD BE BENEFICIAL TO MY FUTURE LEARNING AND GROWTH AND IN PREPARING ME FOR LIFE'S CHALLENGES. suckerrrrr, well life's challenges start HERE."
*throws essay away. evil cackle*

or maybe there's a quota to reject.
so they'll probably look at each other, shrug, pick up 95 out of a 100 stacks of essays and carelessly dump them on the floor to act as the floor for them, without even bothering to at least glance through the 95 stacks.


right then.

i DO know (despite my absence) that choir has returned with a

GOLD
95.16
TOP IN CATEGORY


damagingly proud of them i am, even if i played no part in it.
i have resorted to avoid looking at various choir members' posts about the trip for fear of feeling pangs of unnecessary jealousy.


i have gotten hooked on reading romance novels.
they are waaaaay too addictive.
why didn't i discover them earlier on?!
seriously, the styles of writing are... ENTERTAINING.
but oh dear seems my pace of reading has slowed.
i take like, 6-7 hours just to read finish 1 book??
pfffft.
oh well maybe it's cos i read through the night.
i suggest never sleeping at 730am if you have to wake up at 1115am followed by a full day in church.
NOT HEALTHY.


nativity thingy was quite a success i hear!
being a guide is quite super.
i think i'll do it again next year.
shin & uncle s bailed on me on sat.
meh.



sethrina with her "I <3 SHOPPING MONKEY" shirt :)


sethrina was caressing (seriously) ruth's arm. haha you can barely see the pupils of ruth's eyes!

17:44
0 letters in my letterbox!


9.12.08
So, of this, I am sure: You are my partner, my lover, my very best friend.
sleepover at cheryl's place last friday was FRICKIN AWESOME!!!

we watched a lot of tv and some thriller called Enough and we talked and talked and finally slept at like 4am ??
and worse was that we had to wake up at 7++ to get ready for yw activity which was held at some unearthly hour of 9am?
BUT at least we started the day very healthily.
aerobics & fruit juice!
then cabbed to fifth aunt's place to pack up and surprise surprise, marisah came over too!
haha so all of us lunched at some restaurant called Dim Joy (think cantonese pronounciation) with yeye.
fell asleep in the car on the way back and crashed for another 4 hours at home.
oh my.
oh well, pictures!



repairing primary song sheets!


i don't quite know what cheryl was doing :3


myra looks normal, sethrina looks happy, ruth looks possessed, zephyra looks like she's going to puke


edlina & patrick :)


SUPER UNGLAM cheryl


feng was trying to get reception by putting her phone on her head and waving her hand around.
pity it's blur :/


bimbo partners!


zephyra <3 sam <3 zephyra
(can you see the heart-shaped chip?)


SUPER UNGLAM lydia #1


SUPER UNGLAM lydia #2
(note the different hairstyle)


YC 08 :)))
(sethrina & myra wearing same colour scheme!)


SUPER UNGLAM lydia #3
(she looks extremely frightened)


ruth & lydia are the only smiling ones!
(we were supposed to look tired)


<3

14:43
0 letters in my letterbox!


5.12.08
If you’re willing to take the chance, the view from the other side is spectacular.
i have obviously watched waaaaay too much grey's anatomy.
guess what i caught myself saying?
"you will clear this up mere-"

(note: meredith is the leading protaganist)



well, guess what "tips" i have learnt while staying at my aunt's place!

#1 it's good to have soup (homemade soup with all sorts of ingredients and no msg of course, v. important) about at least 20min before dinner.
apparently it is good somehow for your digestion and it fills you up anyway so you don't eat so much for dinner!
#2 it's good to have fruits about an hour before or after (preferably) lunch, but after dinner is fine too
#3 oh and of course, 5-6 varieties of fruits on the plate would be excellent even though it can be really filling (but then, it's not much of a problem having so many varieties here cos at any one time, there's about 10-15 different varieties to choose from)
#4 it's good to have only fresh flowers/plants/whatever in the house.
fake stuff not only collect dust, lot's of dust, but also it apparently like, signifies death? can't quite remember but somewhere along the lines of NOT GOOD
#5 swimming is a v. important sport all children should learn for general health.
golfing? only when you get older, not so much important.
#6 it's good to have fresh food.
fish, meat, vegetables.
v. important to get them fresh.
so it's a good idea to order them and go around noon (not much to jostle with and not very fresh picks to choose from but that's ok, orders been placed and set aside) and collect them!
#7 loyalty? counts.

ok that's all i can remember for now.

i think, the rich taitai's life is not for me.
i cannot quite imagine myelf living a relatively extravagant and unlaborious life.
i'm more grounded then i realised.
or at least, i hope i am.
damaged!

00:08
0 letters in my letterbox!


3.12.08
I know I'm just a fool who's willing, to sit around and wait for you
i have sat in on a taitai's lunch!
ok technically half of a taitai's lunch.
but it was enough for me to have an idea on what they talk about!
guess what?
they were coughkindacoughdissingcough some friends.
WOW.
it was actually kinda funny hearing them.
seems my ability to understand cantonese is not THAT bad.
and i can say i've met Jill Lowe's sister!
now how cool is that.
no wonder i see so many jill lowe stuff in this house.


yesterday's dinner at ruth's place was awesome.
i cannot believe how sis mary managed to cook so much all by herself!
good food, good company, good life :)
we yw were talking about such interesting stuff (like bras and people with big boobs and what-have-you), and the ym were inside another room...

watching a movie.

how anticlimax.
i wonder what goes on in conversations between guys.
i bet it must be really mundane filled with geeky-techie talk about computer games and what-have-you.
i mean, is there really anything else they talk about?!
somebody prove me wrong!


i cannot wait for sleepover this fri!!!
good knows how we're gonna wake up for yw activity the next day.
oh dear.


oh i remember going to abby's chalet once during the hols, with gaogao and lou.
it was the very first time i saw her with her cut hair!
and we went cycling (abby can't cycle and refuses to learn, tsk) and we made our way surprisingly to east coast.
v.v.v. cool!
and zhuwei was like seriously totally "bullied" by us.
stealing & snatching pillows and blankets from her and eventually piling everything on her, oh dear.
i should get lou to send me a picture of it.
i don't make sense do i?


i'm praying for choir everyday now.
i reeaalllly hope they bring back a gold!

14:18
0 letters in my letterbox!